yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
