Michael Bay diarrhea
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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