Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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