This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
