When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It's shark week go big or go home
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
