i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
