true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
