I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
