I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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