After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
