She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
