I just saw a hot homeless man
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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