textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
