sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
