Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
