Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
