I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
