i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
