I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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