so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
