The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
