and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
