Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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