My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It was like giving head to a cactus.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
