Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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