lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You're a waste of cheezeits
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
