I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
