Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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