yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize