i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize