What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
