i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
