Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
