The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize