i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
sex in a hospital.. check
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize