peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
