I think I can smell my own vagina right now
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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