another moral hangover. fuck.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Randomize
