I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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