Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize