She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
