Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
