I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize