Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
