Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
