Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
