I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
