Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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