I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
