Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I would ride that face into the sunset
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
