babies were throwing up all over the place
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
