What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
