Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
did you just send me my own nude
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize