i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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