I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize