Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
