which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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