I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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