Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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