ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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