Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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