I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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