Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
