A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
