On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
