the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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