My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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