when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
